Monday, November 15, 2010

How Far Apart Should Children Be?

This may seem like a silly question to some of you.
But for me its something I puzzle over.

Let me explain myself here.
Ed doesn't care when we have our next child.
He has left the decision up to me.
So naturally, this makes it much more difficult for me to pin point
how far apart I want our kids to be.

As crazy as this sounds,
I've done a bit of research on it.
But every website seems to be partial to what they think
and don't share both sides.

So I ask for your help.
What do you think is a good age spacing
between kids is?

I realize for every person and family this is different. 
But maybe what worked for your family,
would work for mine.


Emily Hatch said...

Obviously John and I didn't have enough time to start thinking about a second when we got pregnant again. I do think that 11 1/2 months is TOO CLOSE. I also feel, however, that it is good to have them fairly close to each other so they can share interests and be good friends. I would say 18-24 months apart would be ideal. It is easier to stay in the baby mode all at once than just get used to having a kid be able to do everything for themselves and then bam, you have to start all over again. Whatever you decided, it will work out. There are pros and cons to both sides, and everyone will tell you something different. Just decide if it is something you can handle physically, emotionally, and mentally. My body gave out with my second pregnancy because it was too close. If you are healed and strong, there is no reason you couldn't get pregnant again soon. Do what is best for you. :)

Chelsie Jensen said...

Addi is almost 2 and we are trying to have another one. When she was about 18 months old and going through a terror phase; I didn't want another one until she was about 3. Now if we were to get pregnant soon there will be about a 2 and half, 3 year span. I think for me that is best. She is starting to be more and more independent each day. I also told myself that I didn't want two kids in diapers.

I think a lot depend on how you think Carter will handle it too. He seems like a pretty easy going baby. Addi was such a busy body (still is) that I knew I couldn't keep up with another one until she was older. I also agree with doing what is best for you and make sure you are mentally ready.

Lease said...

Originally my plan (goes to show you planning isn't all it's cracked up to be) was to have two kids about 2-2.5 years apart. I think at that distance they are close enough to play together, but far apart enough that they will have separate interests, activities and friends.

wendy said...

You will know when the time is right to have another one.
My two oldest are 15 months apart and they are the best of friends and have always been that way. But my 2nd and my 3rd are almost 3 years apart and the older one from the get go has not really liked his younger brother and to this day he still singles him out and doesn't treat him very good. Now I dont know if it has to do with how old he was when my 3rd was born or if its just his personality. My others are all between 16-21 months apart and they do awesome together. It's also a lot easier to do the whole baby thing when you are already in that mode. I agree with Emily that between 18-24 months is the ideal age.

The Ellis Fam said...

I am wondering this same question myself. I have always said that I want my kids to be a bit further apart. I have thought this because I didn't feel like I had enough time to figure myself out. My sister and I are 3 years apart. To me this means that by the time I figured out what attention was and that I wanted it my sister came along and took it. In all our family videos it will show me kinda shying away and then Sarah comes in and starts to preform and then I shove Sarah away and then I would get in trouble. I didn't know a positive way to get attention. Sarah and Kate are 4 years apart and they both know how to get positive attention. I don't know if this is really because of the years apart but in my mind it is. I want my children to have time to develope and get their own personality before I'm divided too much from them. I have told ppl this and had them tell me that I'm silly (seriously, if you disagree with someone, don't make them feel stupid about their opinion, it's rude). People want their kids to grow up together and be close to one another. I understand that point but I just didn't see that with my friends that did have close siblings, I just saw a lot of arguing and competition. I think what really matters is loving your children and doing your best by them. And lets face it, they are going to hate us no matter what we do when they are teens, let's just hope they will forgive us when they are older.

Meg, Isaac, Adelaide and Asher said...

Congratulations on being able to plan! God or nature or both seem to have usurped my powers on this point. But I must say, I have been a little relieved to not have to think about it too much. Our first two were only 18 months apart. It sounds crazy, but I couldn't be happier about it now. They entertain each other all day and have the same schedule etc. It's worked out very well. I would have waited a while longer and I'm glad I didn't. We had no jealousy or behavioral issues at all, because the 1st was totally clueless still. Our next baby will be 2.5 years apart from #2 and was also a bit of a surprise. I'm still getting used to the idea, but we knew we wanted one more and now that it's cooking I'm relieved to have the decision out of my hands. And I agree that there are a lot of advantages to being close with your siblings. I can't imagine my life without my sister and as crazy as life will be for me, the mother, I think it's good for the kids to have each other as both siblings and friends. Bottom line, I don't believe in myths of "ideal spacing" but I do believe no matter the stage your kid(s) are at, 2 kids is much harder than one. And I'm sure 3 will be a lot more work than 2 - regardless of ages and stages.

Amy said...

We got pregnant with our 2nd, 3rd, and 4th kids when the previous one was 17/18 months old, so they're all 26/27 months apart. Overall I've liked the spacing. You have to also consider your child's temperment and how you think he'll react when a new baby invades his territory. But that's really something you can't always predict. I also didn't want my kids more than 2.5/3 yrs apart because I'm 5 years younger than my closest sibling. I also wanted all my child bearing done while I was younger and not still having kids when my oldest would be leaving the nest. That's my 2 cents!

Leslie said...

I could not even imagine having baby number two for a long time because Stella was and still is a very busy busy busy child!! Her and Max are 3 years apart.. i always wanted kids closer together than that.. but think i would have gone crazy emotionally had i had them any closer. I liked growing up that my sister was a senior in HS when i went into 10th grade. Same with me and my brother. My kids will be the same since Max barly made the cut off and Stella barley missed it. Do what works best for yoU! Our next one will probably be a little closer than 3 years apart (at least thats what i'm saying this week!) Good luck with your planning!

Julie Jardine said...

I think 4 or 5 years is too much. The people I know who experienced that said that they had very little relationships to their siblings while growing up. But I think 15 months or lower is probably too close. I have ones that are only 14 months, and that was my hardest. But all my others are about 2 years apart, and I love it. It gives me enough time in between, and keeps them close enough to be friends. But I think you will know when you should start trying. It is such a personal thing. But I agree with all the above comments. You've been given good advice! Good luck! All I can say, is you should have more, because you have one cute kid!!!

Jullee and Fam said...

This is such a personal decision! Zoe and Phoebe are a little over 2 1/2 years apart. I had always planned on having my kids about 3 years apart but then the whole 10/10/10 thing happened and I had Phoebe a little early. I could never handle two little babies..I'm too much of a stress case. I love that Zoe is potty trained and can entertain herself while I am nursing and caring for Phoebe.

Dan and Liz said...

It's hard to even think about this since Sam is only 10 months, so crazy! Ali and I are a little over 2.5 years apart and we've always been best of friends. I'm thinking if we have another, they'll be 2.5-3 yrs. I can't imagine being preggers again for a while, but it really is something you have to think about :)

Edra Davidson said...

I seem to be thinking the same thing as most of you out there. 2 - 3 years apart. I guess we will just have to wait and see if this next baby is as difficult to get here as Carter was :)
Thank you for all of your feedback!